Season 21 Ep 206: The Real Meeting Happens After the Meeting | Adjacent Talking and Why Groups Avoid What Matters
May 03, 2026
🌟 Click to Send Karlee a Text - We Want To Hear Your Thoughts About This Episode 🌟
You've been in that room. Everyone is talking, the agenda is moving, and somehow nothing real is getting said. The actual conversation, the one about the tension, the unspoken disagreement, the thing everyone's been thinking, that one waits until the parking lot or the group text.
This isn't a communication problem. It's a comfort problem. And recognizing the difference is the key to finally changing it.
This week, Karlee continues the series on unseen forces that shape how we think, decide, and lead. Today's force is one of the most quietly costly: adjacent talking. It's the way groups orbit what actually matters without ever quite landing on it. Whether it shows up in a boardroom, a team meeting, a family dinner, or a friend group, the pattern is the same. And it's far more workable than most of us realize.
In this episode, you’ll learn what it looks like when a group is talking around something instead of about it, why this behavior is a human pattern rooted in decades of research rather than a personal failing, and three precise, low-pressure moves to shift a group from adjacent talking toward real, productive conversation.
If you’re ready to understand why the most important conversations keep happening after the meeting, and what you can do to bring them into the room, then this episode is for you.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- (4:22) What adjacent talking is and why every group does it
- (9:45) The research on groupthink and why even brilliant leaders aren't immune
- (14:30) Three real-world patterns of adjacent talking to watch for
- (20:15) Why speaking up is about the environment, not your confidence
- (25:00) Three shifts that move a group from circling to saying
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
Episode 204: Why Bad Leaders End Up in Charge | How to Interrupt Adrenaline Leadership
Episode 205: Why Bad Leaders End Up in Charge | How to Interrupt Adrenaline Leadership
Janis, Irving L. Victims of Groupthink: A Psychological Study of Foreign-Policy Decisions and Fiascoes. Houghton Mifflin, 1972.
Edmondson, Amy C. "Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams." Administrative Science Quarterly, vol. 44, no. 2, 1999, pp. 350–383.
Use the “Text Karlee” option above to send your Audio Comments and Questions to us.
Connect With Karlee:
Messy and Magnificent is produced by the folx at Ginni Media.
