Episode 98: Tired of doing the Boundary Back & Forth? How to start setting boundaries and stop feeling guilty with Dana Lemay

Sep 20, 2021

Subscribe on iTunes Now

What if I get push back when I tell my boss I’m not available to work weekends anymore? 

What if they're disappointed? Will they think I’m not committed enough?

If this cycle sounds familiar, then no doubt you’ve been dancing the “boundary back & forth”. 

That’s the emotional and psychological dance craze that we inflict upon ourselves when we’re trying to game-plan someone else’s behavior before we set a boundary.

But spending your sweet time overthinking, doubting, and perfecting how your boundary lands...well, it’s just not doing you any good. 


Our emotional barometer gets really high around the idea of setting boundaries. We tend to add fear and anxiety to the already significant burden we’re trying to unload.


But, hey…there’s an easier way.   


Today, Karlee welcomes back boundary pro Dana Lemay. As the Head of School for the Boundary Academy, Dana is a verifiable expert on knowing when a boundary is necessary, and actually putting it into action. Her One-Minute Minimalist program helps other women declutter their lives to lead a more values-driven life experience. 


In this episode, you’ll get a behind-the-scenes listen to the collective wisdom of the women behind the Boundary Academy. This school wasn’t built in your typical hierarchical manner. Instead, it’s become a sharing community that constantly flips the script on who’s the teacher and who’s the student. And that’s led to a lot of rich and unexpected surprises. 


You’ll hear from Karlee and Dana about what it's been like to launch The Boundary Academy, and the real-life questions women upgrading their boundaries are asking. You’ll learn how to 

get off the emotional roller coaster when you need to set boundaries and feel more grounded, centered, and clear about what you need and how to achieve it. 


If you’re ready to finally unburden yourself from carrying the weight of the world and do a lot less heavy lifting in your day, on your job, and in your social circles, then this episode is for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why OPP’s, or Other People’s Opinions, aren’t going to be your catalyst for change (0:57)
  • What it means when you feel discomfort about setting boundaries (9:20)
  • Why setting boundaries isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach (13:37)
  • Shifting our expectations of being everything all the time to being enough (25:56)
  • How you can be a part of the boundary conversation and stay connected (32:13)

People Mentioned in this Episode:

Nancy Levin

Connect with Dana Lemay:


Resources Mentioned in this Episode:


Episode 27: The Formula For Making Great Choices: Especially when everyone has an opinion about it what you should be doing.

Book: Real Teams Win: What Smart Leaders Need to Know Now about Achieving Peak Performance by Thomas L. Steading

Episode 57: Trying To Do It All Yourself? How smart leaders stop being the hero and start building emotional integrity with Tom Steding

Send your Audio Comments and Questions to [email protected]

Connect With Karlee: 




Messy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media

Pick another episode.