Episode 99: Recalibrating Your Inner Compass : How boundaries help us reestablish self-trust and reconnect with what matters most with Sarri Gilman

Sep 27, 2021

Subscribe on iTunes Now

Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought the following: 

I really don’t have time, but I don’t want to upset anyone. I’ll just do it. 

My culture doesn’t “get” boundaries, so I have to be available when family comes knocking. 

I’m a born workaholic. There’s never time for self-care. How would I even fit that in to my day?

While our needs to work people please can tie our emotions up in knots, the truth is that each one of those thoughts is actually an invitation

A nudge from your internal compass that’s trying to point you in the direction of setting a boundary. 

Boundaries aren’t walls you’re setting up to keep other people from crossing over. They’re bridges you’re building within to create more ease for yourself

Boundaries may be the source of all conflict, but they’re also the foundation of all well-being.

Today, Karlee welcomes bonafide “Boundary Queen” Sarri Gilman to the show. Sarri has spent 30 years working as a Psychotherapist who specializes in helping folks set the boundaries they need to implement at the family level. Her decades-long research in this specific area has shown her the full boundary-making process that people experience as they start to become their own boundary experts. 

In this episode, you’ll hear about the process of boundary-making, and how long on average it takes to actually implement a boundary for most people. She shares a personal boundary story of her own about letting go and moving forward when solace was calling her somewhere new. Finally, she’ll explain the fundamental link between self-trust and good decision-making that’ll help you make confidence-backed choices with greater ease. 

If you’re ready to honor your inner compass and gift yourself the boundaries being called for in your life, then this episode is for you. 

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why boundaries need encouragement (13:10)
  • Restoring the trust in your own compass (17:32)
  • A powerful boundary breakthrough moment (21:35)
  • How to think about resilience in times of trauma (36:06)
  • Cultivating a pattern of self-care (40:58)
  • Creating boundary clarity with family members (43:55)
  • Emotionally prepping for a boundary fallout (50:38)
  • How long it takes to become a boundary expert (57:57)

People Mentioned in this Episode:

Dr. Tom Steding

Catherine Panter-Brick

Nancy Levin

Connect with Sarri Gilman:


Get 20% off Now: Transform Your Boundaries Six Course Bundle 


Resources Mentioned in this Episode:


Book:  Transform Your Boundaries by Sarri Gilman 

Book:  The Mystery of Knowing Journal: A writing odyssey to be true to who you are by Sarri Gilman  and Tasha Rockowitz

Book:  Naming and Taming Overwhelm: For Healthcare and Human Service Providers by Sarri Gilman 

TEDx Talk: Good boundaries free you | Sarri Gilman

Send your Audio Comments and Questions to [email protected]

Connect With Karlee: 




Messy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.

Pick another episode.